A New Hello

I have two new works in progress, and I am so excited about them!  The first is a new novel filled with magic and weirdness and humor.  The second is my first attempt at creative non-fiction, and I'll let you know more about it later.  Both are bound to be learning experiences for me, and hopefully fun reads for everyone else. 

I've also found some interesting short story and poetry contests.  I think I'll be entering a few of them.  Wish me luck!

New stories aren't the only new things in my life.  I've got a new job which means a new schedule.  I've got brand new goals, brand new dreams (and maybe a few old ones have been dusted off recently too), and a brand new life.

I'm living in a "new" house (new to me anyway) surrounded by a strange mixture of new and old things.  In a lot of ways I'm still the same, but in more ways I'm really different.  I kind of feel like a caterpillar who's in the process of turning into a butterfly.  Corny, huh? Well, that's how I feel.

I'm twenty-eight.  I certainly don't have it all figured out, but surprisingly I no longer feel the need to have it all figured out.  I'm not having a panic attack or being suffocated by anxiety over not having all the answers.  

I came across a quote the other day.  I think it's my new favorite quote.  Paulo Coehlo wrote, "If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello."  I think that's one of the truest quotes I've ever read.  I think saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do, but it can also be one of the best things to do for yourself.

I said goodbye and I got a new hello.  I realized I don't need to know it all or have it all.  I just need to be happy with who I am, where I am, doing what I'm doing with whoever I'm doing it with.  And I am, you know.  Happy.  I am happy in the moment. I'm going to try to always find a way to be happy in the moment because I think life is just a short string of fleeting moments of bliss and happiness is the ability to recognize those moments when you're living them.  

I'm sorry for the scattered nature of this post, but sometimes that's how my brain works--scattered and all over the place, but hopefully still lucid enough to be useful or at least entertaining to the rest of you.

I know I've been MIA, but I have a good excuse.  I got a new job!  I haven't quite gotten used to my new schedule, but once I do get used to it I will definitely get back to writing more frequently.  I'm also in the middle of a graduate school application for a different field (wish me luck). I'm trying to rehome a stray kitten, pick out paint colors for the house (much more complicated than it sounds), and plan my best friend's wedding.  As you can see, I'm pretty darn busy.

I don't have much to write about right now, so I'll share my weekly to do list with you.

To Do:

• Finish graduate school application
• Contact photographer with print selections
• Pay car insurance
• Grocery shopping
• Look up invitation templates for Amy's wedding
• Post kitten's photo on petfinder

I know my life isn't that exciting, but I'm happy with it.  I hope all of you are happy too :)

Taking Out The Trash

Photo courtesy of www.mylot.com

When I was in high school I got into a fight with a girl I thought was my best friend.  She'd slept with my boyfriend and I was understandably very angry and upset about it.  When I told my great granny about it she just looked me right in the eye and said, "Sometimes you just have to take out the trash. No one needs trash in their life."   She was straightforward, my granny, and she didn't mince words.  Maybe that's where I get it from.  It's been several years since that conversation, but I've really taken that advice to heart this year.

You see, when you go through something tough you really find out who your true friends are. I think going through a divorce shines a mirror on your entire life and shows you things you never saw before (and might not have really wanted to see).

You find out that you have hidden gems and people who weren't that close to you become best friends.  You find out people you thought were best friends are really "the trash" that you need to eliminate.  You find out that a lot of the material crap you thought you needed was really just weighing you down.  You find out what it means to be brave. You find out that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. You find out that you make your own happiness.  You find out what it means to be YOU again.

This year I have surrounded myself with supportive, loving people.  These people make me a better person.  They make me smile. They'll hold my hand while I cry.  Their presence makes me happy.  I feel blessed to have these people in my life.

Anyone who weighed me down, who didn't make me a better person, who did not make me happy--I eliminated from my life. If I didn't feel like you were a blessing, then I decided you weren't worth my time. I made a choice to get rid of the fair weather "friends" and the immature people and the negative folks.  I  made a choice to cut out selfishness and shallowness, and to stop being friends with hypocrites and judgmental people. I also cut out excess in my own life.  This was the best decision of my entire life.

In cutting out all the crap, I found myself again.  And you know what?  I like myself.  I like who I am.  I like where my life is right now.  I like where I am and who I choose to spend my time with.  I've fallen in love with life again.  It's amazing. 

So this post is me letting go.  I mean really letting go--letting go of all the anger and resentment and sadness and ill will directed toward other people.  All that stuff just weighs me down, and I deserve to be light and happy.  So I'm letting it go.  I'm so blessed, why do I need to hang on to all this negativity?  I don't.

I'm going to share a tiny piece of my happiness with you. I had a photoshoot last weekend and it was amazing.  I was fortunate enough to have one of the best pinup photographers in the world photograph me.  I am so blessed.  I've always wanted to have pinups done, and now I have.  Here's one just for you:

Life Uncensored

If you know me (or read this blog regularly), then it will come as no surprise that I am a planner.  I always have a plan, and a backup plan, and a backup-backup plan.  Yeah--I'm somewhat compulsive about it.  I've always lived my life by a plan.  I knew where I wanted to be five years out and what I thought I had to do to get there and I did everything I could to stick to the plan no matter what.

There was a problem with all my planning though.  I didn't leave room for happiness in my master plan.  I figured if I got all the trappings a perfect life is supposed to have then happiness would surely follow.  So I planned for the trappings--the education, the husband, the house, the car, etc.  I got it all too.  And then there I was--living the "perfect" life with a perfectly fake smile on my face because the only thing I was was perfectly miserable.

Last winter I finally got a clue.  I threw my plans out the window.  I threw my "shoulds" and "woulds" and "ought tos" out the window too.  I started listening to my heart instead of my head.  I stopped planning and started living, really living.  Living a life uncensored. 

I left my unhappy marriage and all the trappings of the "perfect life" in the dust.  And the life I found is messier than the life I had before.  The life I have now is not filled with all of the material trappings of the perfectly miserable existence I had before.  The life I have now doesn't follow a neat plan, and it's haphazard and a little crazy sometimes.  But you know what?

This is a happy life.  It's a life filled with grubby toddler fingers, time spent with best friends who are really sisters, a caring family, a smiling man, and a house that needs some paint but is filled with lots of love.  This is a life brimming with opportunity. This a life overflowing with love and laughter and friendship and all of those truly priceless things that money can never buy you.  This life, the life that was waiting on me, is so much better than anything I could have ever planned.  I am so very blessed and so incredibly grateful for the amazing gift of my life and all of the people in it.

Throw your plans out the window.  You won't regret it.  My wish for every person reading this is a life uncensored, unplanned, and unpredictable.