"I forgive you / We were just a couple of kids/ trying to figure out how to live/ doing it our way/ no shame, no blame/ 'Cause the damage is done/ And I forgive you./ I forgive you/ we were busy living the dream/ Never noticed the glass ceiling falling in on us/ No shame, no blame/ 'Cause the damage is done/ And I forgive you./ I forgive you, I forgive me/ Now do I start to feel again?"
I am moving into a space of forgiveness.
I have been angry for too long. Angry at myself for getting married when I probably shouldn't have. Angry at my ex for somehow not being what I needed him to be. Angry at myself for expecting him to be something he wasn't and for trying so hard to be something I wasn't. Angry at the world for wanting me to fit into some nice, neat little box when I just don't know how to meet society's ridiculous expectations anyway. Angry in general.
Then I would somehow alternate to a place of despair and darkness. I would wonder what was so wrong with me that I just couldn't love this perfectly nice man and make it work. I would be sad that I'd somehow failed at something. I'd be sad that my life was changing and I was losing pieces of myself here and there and everywhere.
Then I'd be angry again.
Now I'm learning to accept these emotions as they come. I let myself feel them without remorse and then I move forward--because that's the only way worth going right now. I am moving into a healthy space, a good place, now. I am moving into a space of forgiveness. I am letting go of the anger and the sorrow and the confusion. I am letting go of the hurt and all of the negativity. I am embracing peace and forgiving myself for this divorce. I am forgiving M. too. I deserve to be forgiven in return, but he'll have to get there on his own. I can accept that too.
I think I'm getting my groove back. I've learned what I needed to learn from this. I am still learning new things every day. I am finally at peace with this divorce and the major changes I've brought to my own existence by severing a relationship that needed to be ended. I am moving back into myself--into being who I am unapologetically and without question. I am happy to have some peace back. Forgiveness is refreshing.