Two days ago I found myself in a life or death situation. It isn't the first time I've experienced a life or death moment, and it likely won't be the last. These moments bring about a crushing clarity, magnifying every aspect of your life to show you a truth you lacked before. I had such a moment--a moment of severe pain, bridging death, followed by remarkable clarity. Here's what happened:
I was sitting at a particularly busy intersection in Charlotte. I was in the left hand turn lane and I got the arrow to turn left so I did. Then something hit me. Hard. My car spun nearly 360 degrees. I felt every second of it--physically. It hurt. My head hit the steering wheel. I was dazed. I was confused.
I had a concussion. I still have fluid around my spine and the entire right side of my back is covered in a black bruise. My car is totaled. I am not, by the way, paralyzed. I am in a great deal of pain, but I know how lucky I am. I could be dead. The other driver ran a red light and hit me going about 50 mph. I'm lucky.
Events like this--events that show you your own mortality--also show you who your true friends are. Unfortunately, this event also showed me who my true friends aren't. I had an argument with someone who is supposed to be one of my best friends a few days prior to this frightening wreck. I know she is aware I had a wreck, but she can't get over herself enough to bother to check on me. If she were my true friend, if she ever cared at all, then I can't help but think she would have called to see if I was okay. I would have called her. A true friend would have put aside petty grievances to check on the health and well-being of her friend. A true friend would have put pride aside long enough to be sure the person they cared about was okay. A true friend would have been there regardless of the circumstances. I know that. She wasn't there. That says a lot. Now I know. Now I know she is not my friend and I do not need people like her in my life. This is a painful revelation, but one that needed to occur.
But I also know that I am surrounded by love and blessed with far more amazing people than I ever deserved. My best friends (Amy, Emily, Laura, April) have called and come by repeatedly to make sure I am alright and I have what I need. I am being well cared for where I am and I am loved. My mother went and got the things out of my car for me and my family has expressed concern for my well being. My step father is going to try to help me find a new car. I am getting get well wishes and prayers from all over the place, and I am so thankful for each and every kind word.
My body is injured. My heart is a little banged up from life (but that happened before this wreck). But my spirit is fine. My spirit is strong. I will recover. Things will work out. Something good is right around the corner and I'm ready for it.