HOT, etc.

I'm melting! Melting!  Okay, not really--but it certainly feels like it.  In case you've somehow missed it, the entire east coast is ON FIRE!  We're in the throws of a long and drawn out heatwave.  Last week had the highest temperatures, and of course it was the week we were on vacation.

Most days we were met with 100+ degree temps, but we didn't let that stop us from enjoying our beach time!  We spent every day playing in the ocean and splashing in the pool.  We walked the coast under starry skies and made the most of our time off.  It was really fabulous to just relax and take it easy for a while.

We're back home now, back to the daily grind.  Back to daily stresses and everyday problems.  Back to reality.  But you know what?  Reality is not so bad.  Things may be looking up for us and I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.

I might have some good news soon (cross your fingers!) and I'm looking forward to returning to grad school in August.  I'm going to wrap up this degree as quickly as possible and move on to bigger and better things.  In the mean time, send some positive energy and happy prayers my way and I'll be wishing you all the best!

Day 22: Favorite Book I Own

I'm taking part of the 30 Day Book Challenge.  Click the link to do it too (and add your blog to my meme)!

If you've ever been in my house then you've seen the many book-lined bookcases that hug my walls.  My home is overflowing with books, and I like it that way.  So you can imagine how difficult it is for me to choose just one book to call my favorite.

I mean do I choose my favorite book to read?  Or perhaps the reference book I use most?  Maybe I should go with my prettiest book.....or my oldest....or my biggest?  Perhaps you'd like to know more about my smallest book? 

I could certainly select any of those.  I have lots of favorite books.  But this morning I think I will go with a book that changed my life:

This book, The Ramayana, is an ancient Indian epic.  It was assigned reading for a college course I only enrolled in because it fulfilled a general education requirement.  The course was Introduction to Asian Religions. 

I am not particularly interested in Asia, or its numerous religions, and I was sure this class would bore me to tears.  I am a historian of Western history and culture, a medievalist if you want to get particular.  I've always been drawn to medieval history.  Eastern history?  Eh, not so much.

So imagine my surprise when the course didn't actually bore me to tears!  I found I actually enjoyed reading and analyzing The Ramayana.  I enjoyed participating in class discussions. I enjoyed learning about this culture and their religions, all so very different from my own. 

The Ramayana is a big reason I changed my major to Religious Studies.  This book opened my eyes to something beyond my own experience.  It introduced me to a world I did not know existed, to a discipline that I have come to love. 

I'm still a medievalist, but now I'm a medievalist who sees the big picture.  I see the interconnectedness of the world's religions and cultures. 

Thank you Dr. Meyer for assigning this book and for introducing me to the academic study of religion.

Saying Goodbye

For certain is death for the born.

And certain is birth for the dead;

Therefore over the inevitable

Thou shouldst not grieve.

--Bhagavad Gita (500 BCE)

When the heart weeps for what it has lost;

the soul laughs for what it has found.

--Sufi aphorism

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.

--Buddha

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens;

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance...

--Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Today I will be leaving work early to attend a funeral. One of my best friends is living through every mother's worst nightmare.  Her baby died.  He did not even have three months upon this earth.  Words do not adequately express such sorrow.

Grief is complex, ever changing.  No two people share the same grief.  Each death brings with it new pain, different pain, from the last. 

I think death hurts the living much more than the dead, for our hearts are broken and our very souls feel fractured.  So we breathe in pain and loss and sorrow with each breath until we are filled with unspeakable heartache. 

I believe the dead are already at peace.  Their spirits fly away to some place that is wonderful beyond all imagining. 

But for now, we are filled with anguish.  What can I possibly say to help dissipate any of the agony that is so rightfully her's and so rightfully her husband's? 

Nothing.  Nothing I can say will ever make this pain go away.  So I will simply say what is in my heart today.

There was a miracle here.  Right here. On this earth.  For two and a half short months we got to experience a miracle.  Every breath he took was a miracle.  Every new sight he saw, every new experience he had, every cry he wailed, every bottle he drank, every smile he gave, every look he shared was a blessing.  His tiny hand curled about your finger, his tiny toes covered by tiny socks, his beautiful little face--this little baby was love incarnate.  He was hope and kindness and everything good in the whole world.  He was here to show us that goodness, that purity, that beauty.  And I saw it.  I saw it all--all the goodness in the world bound up inside this beautiful baby boy.

Today we will grieve him--our loss of him.  Today there is nothing I can say to assuage the pain every one will feel.  So I will say this instead:

May every tear be a balm upon your soul.

May every tear cleanse your wounded heart.

May every tear grant you solace and peace and love.

The Anti-Tech RANT

I am a theatre nerd.  I was a theatre techie.  I can stage manage a show like nobody's business.  I can run various lighting boards.  I can hang fresnels.  I can change gels.  I can run basic sound for productions.  I can call tech cues.  I can wrangle divas, dancers, and actors galore.  I can troubleshoot theatre tech issues all day long.

I am not, however, a tech geek.  I use my computer for the basic stuff everyone else does.  I know how to use Microsoft Office applications, desktop publishing software, and numerous work-related databases/record keeping thingies.  I can do internet research and I can build a basic website.  Past that don't ask me about computers.  I don't care how much giga-whatevers they have and I have no idea what any of that even means anyway.  I let my husband decide if the computer I want to buy has enough giga-whatevers and pixel-whoseits and gadget-whatsits. 

Today my computer at work malfunctioned BIG TIME.  First, it wouldn't let me log on to my work email.  I finally figured out how to fix that.  Then it wouldn't let me online.  After an hour, I finally managed to fix that issue.  Then the screen on the monitor went ultra-sensitive.  If I so much as tap my desk the whole screen blurs and everything vanishes.  I called IT.  The IT guy is on vacation.  Why is he always on vacation when my computer breaks? At the current moment my solution looks something like this:

• Screen goes blurry/vanishes and I can't read anything.
• I respond with profanity and lots of words I should not be using at work.  At least I am in the privacy of my own office today....
• The computer screen does not fix itself.
• I whack the computer screen and threaten it verbally until the monitor becomes readable again.

I'm not sure how much longer this method will continue to solve the problem.

My cell phone is also rebelling today.  The screen just went black.  Now I can't see anything--not my contacts, not my text messages, not a thing. NOTHING.  It's the black screen of death.  I turned it off and back on.  NOTHING. I took the battery out and put the battery back in. NOTHING.  I discovered I can still make calls, but I have no idea who I'm calling unless I actually know the number.  Threats and ultimatums are not inspiring my phone to cooperate. Perhaps I need a hostage negotiator...my mobile device is holding my contacts hostage.

Day 21: Favorite Book From Your Childhood

I'm taking part of the 30 Day Book Challenge.  Click the link to do it too (and add your blog to my meme)!

I haven't kept up with this 30 Day Challenge lately, but I'm determined to finish it up! 

My favorite book from my childhood is this one:

James Herriot was an English veterinarian who wrote beautiful stories about the animals he came into contact with in rural England.  I love all of his stories, but this one is a particular favorite.  You should read it to your kids.

Conversations With the Public

I have spent most of my life working with the public.  I have worked in large retail stores, at K-12 schools, at museums, at libraries, and even at colleges.  I enjoy working with the general public.  Afterall, you never know what's going to happen when you're working all day in a public space.  Inevitably, you will find yourself drawn into strange and often baffling conversations.  Here's an example from today:

A lovely woman decked out in some kind of matching pink track suit with a baseball cap that says "BLING!" in hot pink turned sideways on her head walks up to my desk.

Randon Woman (RW):  "Hey! Let me axe you a question.  Where'd you get your hair (pronounced 'har')?"

Me:  "Um...God?"

RW:  "Shoot! Dat's your real hair?  A'int no damn way dat's your real hair! Is dat your real hair, like for real?"

Me:  "Yes. This is my real hair."

RW:  "Damn! You gots long hair!"

Me: *blank stare*

Here's one more--just for fun.  This one occurred a few years ago when I was working as a customer service rep at a local bookstore.

Customer:  Excuse me, miss?  I need that book about that girl.

Me:  Can you give a little more information?

Customer:  It's required reading for school.

Me:  Do you know the title or the author's name?

Customer:  God. No.  Can't you just search for it?

Me:  What grade level is this book assigned for?

Customer:  Middle school.

Me:  Can you give me any other information?

Customer:  That chick in the book died. Oh! And she was a Jew.

Me:  Do you mean The Diary of Anne Frank?

Customer: *nods*


I have a million of these little stories.  Maybe I should post one a week.  What do you think?  Would you read them?  I think they're amusing.  You can't make this stuff up!

Opportunity May Be Knocking...

This week has been filled with opportunity and excitement.  And of course with excitement comes stress. I discovered three open job opportunities that are just right up my alley.  I am absolutely ecstatic about two of them. 

I applied for one of those opportunities today.  My stomach is in knots.  I so desperately want this job, and not just for the increased pay either!  I'm enamored with the job responsibilities and all of the amazingly fun things I'll get to do if I get it.  I know this particular job will be both challenging and rewarding.  It's honestly something I can see myself doing forever.  I'm not sure I've ever come across a job that matched my personality, skill set, and education so very well.  I'm not sure another job like this one even exists.  I'm so nervous about it.  I'm all wound up.  I really hope I get an interview. Heck, I really hope I get hired!

I'm in the process of revamping my resume for the second opportunity that had me jumping out of my skin.  It's at a place I've wanted to work since I was a child.  I'd have to move, but I don't really care.  It's located near a town I've wanted to call home for as long as I can remember.  I will be applying for this job tomorrow.  I've got butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it.

It's been a long time since I've stumbled across jobs that I actually believed could become lifelong careers for me, and these jobs are definitely jobs I can see myself doing happily for a very long time.  It would be so nice to get started at a job I could grow with. 

Putting myself out there and applying for these jobs makes me nervous.  I feel anxious and nauseated.  I am so jittery about it.  But you know what--if you don't put yourself out there then nothing ever happens. I want to make something great happen.  Opportunity might be knocking, but I'll never know if I don't make the effort to answer the door.  So this is me...answering the door and hoping it's opportunity! Here's to good luck and happy thoughts!  Cross your fingers with me folks...

Don't Let Others Steal Your Joy

"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."--Voltaire

Way back in April I decided to give the whole positive thinking thing a try.  Some days it's really easy to be happy and stay positive.  Some days, though, it's tough. 

Yesterday I discovered my dream job was available.  When I was five years old I went with my family to this beautiful old plantation outside of Charleston, SC.  It was closed that day, but the grounds were open.  The house towered above my diminutive child's height, it's gray roof held up by ornate Corinthian columns.  Windows with waves of old glass lined a deep front porch and a worn but welcoming wood door stood guard at the entrance.  Trees as tall as skyscrapers stretched toward a blue sky and sunlight spilled in golden puddles across the shaded lawn.  It was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen.  I never wanted to leave.

"I want to live here when I grow up," I breathed.  

"Well you can't.  Nobody can.  But maybe if you're lucky you can work here," my grandpa said. 

And I never forgot it.  That plantation house is the reason I decided to intern at a local historic site as an undergrad.  It's the reason I entered public history and began graduate work in museum studies.  Yesterday I discovered that there's a position available at that plantation house....and my experience and education exceed all of the qualifications required.  I actually have a shot at working at my dream house. 

I was ecstatic.  Until I called my family.  I mistakenly assumed they would be as excited as I was (or they would at least fake it).

"That's a fun place to visit, but you don't want to work there!" 
"Museums don't pay much do they?"  "
"That place is eat up with mosquitoes! You wouldn't like working there!"
"Who would want to live there?  No one would want to live there."

Yes, those are actual comments from my relatives.  Not one positive word.  No "That's great! You should apply!" Or "Wow, Jenn!  It would be really cool to work there."  Nope. None of that.  Just criticism and negativity. 

And just like that my joy was gone, replaced by sadness and doubt.  I was deflated. 

My husband came home and he asked, "Have you applied for the job yet?"

"No.  I'm not sure if I should now,"  I said, explaining my family's doubts and their negative commentary on my excited announcement.

"Why do you let them do that?" he asked.

Hmmm.  Why do I let them do that?  I always call with news that excites me, but every time I dial one of their numbers I find myself holding my breath and hoping the person on the other end of the line will say something nice in response. 
 
It was like a light bulb went off.  I shouldn't have to do that!  I know they don't even realize how incredibly negative they are.  They have no understanding of their own negativity, or the impact that negativity has on me and everyone else around them.  But I shouldn't have to be subjected to such negative feedback--not when I'm happy about something....not ever, really.

But how do I stop it? How do I free myself of this negativity?  Maybe I just shouldn't pick up the phone to call.  I should share my joy with people who will reciprocate it. But then I feel guilty for not trying to share my excitement with them.  But should I feel guilty?  Should I feel guilty for trying to avoid negativity? 

I truly believe positive thinking works.  You get back what you put out there.  Maybe that sounds hippy-dippy and new age nuts to some of you, but I tell you it works.  What goes around does come around and I want to send positive, happy vibes out so they'll come back to me. 

I can't make other people try to be happier, more positive people.  I can't be responsible for other people's reactions to the world around them.  But I can be responsible for me and for what I put out there--and that starts with surrounding myself with happy, positive thinking individuals.  That starts with calling people who will say, "Wow, Jenn.  That's a great opportunity. You should go for it."  That starts with realizing it's okay to be happy, and then allowing myself to be happy.  Happiness starts with me. 

You have to claim your own happiness.  You are responsible for yourself.  You can choose to surround yourself with positive people. You can choose to own your happiness.  And that's what I'm doing--I'm owning my happiness.