Controversy

Earlier this week I wrote a response to an anti-adoption blog post that I found particularly offensive.  I had originally commented on the person's blog (albeit not particularly nicely and certainly not in any PC fashion), but my initial comment generated such hateful responses that I decided to address the issue on my own blog.  My response has received nearly 1,200 page views in less than 4 full days.  I had no idea when I wrote it that it would cause such a stir.

Adoption is a hot button issue.  People have very strong feelings about it, myself included.  Many adoptees (in my opinion embittered adoptees) have responded to my blog.  The problem is that these individuals are misinterpreting something in my blog post and as a result I have been accused of thinking that Allison (the person whose post I responded to) does not have a right to her feelings. So many people have accused me of this that I feel the need to address that issue here.

First, I fully admit that my blog post was not friendly.  It was not a politically correct, warm and fuzzy kind of post.  My response was not kind.  I wrote it in a fit of self-admitted anger and I wrote the comments to Allison's blog in a similar emotional state.  I am a huge advocate for adoption and I take serious offense to statements that adoption is NEVER a good thing.  I don't believe that is true.  I think adoption can be a very wonderful experience for everyone involved.  I also take offense to notions that infertile people can't be good parents and that people who adopt are only doing so out of some incredibly selfish need to be parents.  I don't think there is anything selfish about being a parent.  Parenting is one of the most selfless acts in the world.  I take offense to these notions.  When I see someone blatantly dismiss the entire institution of adoption as some evil entity that should not be allowed to exist, well--I get pissed off.  Royally pissed off.

While I have already apologized for any hurt feelings my opinions may have caused, and while I will not apologize for having the views I do, I am sorry that something I said was misinterpreted in such a way as to be indicative that I would ever deem to dismiss anyone's emotions as meaningless.  I would never, ever do that.

Allison has every right to feel whatever way she feels and to hold whatever opinions she holds.  I disagree with her views, but I have never suggested that she doesn't have the right to have them.  I would never suggest such a thing.  One of my favorite quotations of all time is something Voltaire said.  Voltaire said, "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."  I agree with that quote wholeheartedly.  As an author I simply do not condone censorship of any kind and I believe you have the right to say and think what you will (even if I disagree).  My disagreement does not insinuate a belief that she does not have the right to her views.

I would also never dismiss Allison's feelings or the very real emotional turmoil I am sure both she and other adoptees experience.  On multiple occasions I even stated that I empathized with those feelings, and I certainly do.  I have had similar experiences to many adoptees and I was not raised by my biological parents.  I understand the feelings of abandonment that come with such a childhood.  I would never be dismissive of those feelings.  My childhood was not a bed of roses and I know the very real pain that can carry forth from childhood into adulthood.  I have had to find ways to come to terms with my own unpleasant experiences and emotions, and I would never dismiss someone's right to feel any which way they want to feel.

I do not, however, play the victim. I don't think using negative experiences as excuses to be bitter is a very healthy way to be.  I think you have to figure out what makes you bitter and fight that thing tooth and nail so you can have a happy and positive life.  It isn't always an easy fight, but it's a fight well worth undertaking.

Anyway, the point of this post is simply to state that I absolutely do not deny anyone the right to feel whatever they want to feel.  Nor do I deny anyone the right to believe whatever they want to believe.  That does not mean that I must agree with your views--it simply means that I uphold your right to possess differing views than my own.

I also do not hold any negative feelings for anyone I feel was hateful to me, nor do I wish Allison or any of her friends or supporters ill.  I wish them all the best and I hope that at some point they will at least be able to understand my views--even if they never agree with them.

I also hope we can all move on now.  I don't know about you, but I have better things to do than continue kicking a dead horse.  

Positively AWESOME

The past few months have been difficult, but I have to say this week has been pretty darn great. 

I've been watching what I eat (not really dieting--just being more conscious of what I'm putting into my body) and exercising more regularly. I don't weigh myself at home.  I don't think it is healthy to obsess about weight.  On Monday I went to the doctor though, and doctors always make you step on that scale.  So I found out Monday that I'm down 8 pounds in 6 weeks.  Not too shabby, eh? 

I also had two great interviews this week.  I hope I get one of the positions I interviewed for, but I can honestly say even if I don't both interviews were worthwhile experiences.  I was blessed to meet some wonderful and intelligent people through those interviews, and no matter what happens I am certainly grateful for that. 

I've managed to plot my graduate thesis (finally), and I've started researching the first chapter (not the introduction).  I think I should be able to write 50 pages over the summer.  I'm happy with that plan.  I'm also pretty content with my thesis topic.  I feel that I will be able to successfully complete and defend this monster.  There is something gratifying about that.

I've also figured out (kind of) where I want to be in five years, and best of all I think I know how to get myself there.  I feel like things are finally falling into place.  Thinking positively might just be doing the trick after all! 

P.S:  The photo at the top is a picture of plumeria.  My husband and I were fortunate enough to honeymoon in Waikiki and plumeria blossoms were everywhere.  The air was heavily scented with their fragrant blooms.  These flowers make me happy so I thought they might just make some of you happy too.

Positive Thinking?

I've heard a lot about the power of positive thinking lately.  It all started in 2006(ish) with The Secret (which was featured on Oprah and even has a DVD).  I didn't get on board.  I called myself a realist.  I still consider myself a realist.  But there has been a resurgence of positive thinking hype lately, and this resurgence has prompted me to evaluate my own mode of thinking.  I am now forced to admit that perhaps being a realist isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Living in a hard reality certainly results in negative thoughts, and all those hippie-dippy-rainbow-and-sunshine positive thinkers seem to be happy (even if I do find them irritating).

Today I had two nearly simultaneous experiences.  First, I stumbled across this quote:

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." -- Abraham Lincoln

Then I spoke with one of my relatives on the phone.  She didn't have anything positive to say.  I spent twenty minutes listening to a complaint riddled conversation about how terrible the world is today and how awful humanity is.  The whole time I was listening to this negativity, I was staring at that quote.  Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.  And then it struck me...

My family, though loving, is filled with negative thinkers.  Most are not happy, but nearly all of them are negative.  I was raised surrounded by negative energy, negative words, and negative experiences.  It is no wonder I internalized such negativity and that negativity has become my reality.

Well I don't want that reality anymore.  I reject that reality.  I want something different.  I want to be happy and I want to be positive.  I'm drinking the hippie-dippy-rainbow-and-sunshine-colored-kool aid.  I am making up my mind to be happier and more positive.

I don't expect it to be an easy transition.  I've spent nearly 3 decades with negativity.  It won't be easy to shed it.  But I have to try. 

I hope this power of positive thinking thing makes a difference.  I've decided to start by taking a few days hiatus from the internet.  Wish me luck!  Happy thoughts to you all :)

I'm Baaaack!

I know I've been M.I.A. for a while, but I'm back now (sort of).  So where have I been?  In career hell.  Seriously, career hell.  This writer gig is great and all, but it don't pay the bills!  So I've been looking for a job.  I've been interviewing for jobs.  I've been bitter and angry because despite numerous college degrees and all kinds of work experience I don't seem to have any choice in my future career.  I need to pay the bills therefore I need a job and as the saying goes 'beggars can't be choosers.' 

I've also been substitute teaching which has to be the absolute worst job in the universe.  It is so bad, in fact, that I am seriously considering going back to waiting tables until I can find something more appropriate.  I have never in my life encountered so many disrespectful children or apathetic adults as I have subbing.  It is awful.  Teachers are saints and they should be paid a million dollars of years to put up with the crap I've had to put up with subbing.

I have at least two career positions that appear promising (meaning it looks like I could get one of these jobs, though neither is something I wish to do forever).  Considering our financial situation is rocky at best (and as I've said before--beggars can't be choosers), I really hope I get one of these jobs.  I could certainly use the moo-la.

I've also decided that I want to go here:

^ That's Bar Harbor, Maine.  It's beautiful.  It's serene.  I think I want to live there.  Can I just move to Bar Harbor?  What's that?  It costs a butt load to live there?  Why yes, it does.  Oh well--guess I can't live there.  Maybe I can visit though.  You can see more pretty pictures of the area if you click here.

Updates and A Call For Submissions

I'm sorry if I've been a bit absent from the blog.  Last week was horrendous.  Unfortunately for me this week isn't looking much brighter.  One of our cars died.  We have to have the engine rebuilt.  It's going to cost more money than we have and take longer than I think is necessary.  It's awful.  Stress on top of stress on top of stress--that's how April has been so far. 

I have made some progress on my book.  I hope to complete initial editing by June 30th.  I will keep you updated.

I also have a call for submissions to post:

I look forward to hearing from you!

So It's Been a Bad Week...

The above picture is cute, but my week certainly wasn't!  It started out fine Sunday morning, but had already begun devolving by the time 8 PM rolled around Sunday night.  I went to the gym but had to leave when I started experiencing 'tummy troubles.'  These tummy troubles turned into a full force assault on my somewhat fragile body.  By 8:30 PM I was trapped on a toilet holding a trashcan while my entrails were being ripped from my body (at least that's what it felt like). 

I was no better by Tuesday morning so I went to the doctor.  The doctor suggested that I might have strep because my throat was really red and I had a fever and a headache.  He said only about 1% of patients present with the severe GI symptoms of strep, but he'd like to do a strep test anyway.

I snorted.  "I never get strep.  I've been tested for it a hundred times and not once in my entire life have I ever gotten strep. It's the one thing I don't get.  I don't get strep," I said. He insisted upon taking the strep test anyway. 

Good thing too.  Turns out I did have strep and strep is incredibly dangerous for people who have certain heart issues, mine included. 

He loaded me up with medication and sent me on my way.  I barely made it to the pharmacy to get said medication, and I went home to continue vomiting profusely until Thursday evening.

Wednesday, still feeling terrible but no longer contagious, my husband calls me from work and informs me he is on his way home slightly early.  Then he tells me "Don't panic."  He proceeds to inform me that my grandmother has been rushed to the hospital and is in the Intensive Care Unit.  This is the woman who reared me, who cared for me every time I got sick as a child (and I was a sickly child so that was quite often), who took me in when she did not have to.  Don't panic indeed. 

I cried the entire 45 minute drive from my home to the town where I grew up.  I pulled myself together before walking into the hospital and going up to the ICU.  Her pulse was incredibly low and her blood pressure was incredibly high.  She was very pale but conscious.  I spoke with her doctor and asked millions of pertinent medical questions.  I was very upset.  I was also still making trips to the restroom to be sick.

On Friday the doctors at the hospital decided to put a pacemaker into my grandmother's chest.  It seems her natural pacemaker is not functioning properly.  At one point her heart rate dipped to below 30 beats per minute.  She has improved since they implanted the pacemaker.  I am grateful for her improvement.

My body has not had adequate time to recover from my own illness.  I am still unable to hold down most foods.  I still have a low grade fever and a very sore stomach.  It has been a very bad week.  I hope that means next week is going to be amazingly wonderful.

Sick as a Dog: How to Heal an Upset Tummy

I'm sick as a dog....

 Update 5/23/11:  A lot of people are coming across this blog post by entering search terms associated with a sick pet. If your dog or cat has an upset tummy (diarrhea) go to your local grocery store and buy a can of organic pumpkin puree.  Mix it in with their food and it should do the trick.  DO NOT PURCHASE PUMPKIN PIE FILLER--IT IS NOT THE SAME THING AND WILL LIKELY AGGRAVATE THEIR TUMMY MORE.  If your animal is vomiting take them to the vet immediately.  Dogs and cats do not vomit unless something is seriously wrong.

If you are looking for ways to treat human ailments/upset tummies then keep reading... :)

I have been living-in-the-bathroom-floor-high fever-headache-nausea-vomiting-diarrhea-sick for almost three days now.  I haven't felt this god awful since my appendix ruptured on my birthday 2 years ago.  I decided someone should benefit from my suffering and since I did go to nursing school I might as well spread my knowledge to the masses.  So in between sitting on a toilet while puking in a bucket (TMI? Yeah probably....sorry) I'm going to write a blog with some tips to help your sick children (or sick self).

Vomiting:

• There is a great over the counter medication (no prescription necessary) that works wonders for an upset tummy.  It's called emetrol and it's a liquid anti-nausea drug that can be taken every 15 minutes until nausea is abated.  Most pharmacies carry it and so do several grocery stores.  It works so well that it has been around for 60 years.  It's been around that long because it works. Emetrol is really a miracle drug for vomiting.
• Cool ice pack on your tummy:  my great grandma swore by this and it almost always did the trick for our childhood tummy troubles.  Plus it helps bring down fevers and relieves some of the ache associated with vomiting and diarrhea. 
• Ginger Ale made with real ginger or ginger root tea also help relieve an upset stomach.  Coke and other sodas absolutely do NOT help relieve an upset stomach and the sugars/carbonation in such products can actually further aggravate an upset stomach.

Diarrhea:

• Unless diarrhea is severe, it is usually best to let it run its course.  Diarrhea is the body's way of flushing a virus/bacteria out.  If diarrhea is severe enough that you cannot leave the bathroom or control it enough to make it to the bathroom then take an anti-diarrhea drug from the drug store.  Dehydration is a major problem associated with diarrhea so even if symptoms are only mild make sure you stay well hydrated.
• Medications:  Immodium AD (or the generic equivalent) is the best there is!  There is even an Immodium liquid for children aged 6-11.  If you have an infant or child younger than 6 with diarrhea, take them to the doctor as infants in particular are extremely prone to dehydration.  
• Herbal remedies:  red raspberry leaf tea can help mild diarrhea

What to feed an upset tummy:

Upset tummies need easily digestible foods.  Use the B.R.A.T. diet:
Bananas
Rice
Applesauce
Toast

What to drink:  water, Gatorade, ginger ale, or weak tea (half tea/half water mixture)

I hope my misery helps you out!

Morally Bankrupt Companies

Have you ever heard of a 'Dead Peasant' life insurance policy?  No? A Dead Peasant life insurance policy is a policy an employer takes out on the life of an employee.  When the employee dies, the employer collects life insurance--not to help them survive the death of that employee (as would a spouse), but to profit on that person's death.  Just when I thought it couldn't possibly get anymore deplorable than that I discovered that these policies are usually tax write offs--that's right, they get to reduce the tax they pay based on how many of these policies they carry, and they get to pocket the policy payout. 

I am appalled and disgusted that such policies are even legal.  Companies claim the right to do this by forcing their employees to sign a consent form for the company to carry life insurance on their life.  The companies, however, do not usually tell the employee that the payout goes to the corporation and not to that person's family.  Further, how is it a 'choice' if you are denied employment for refusing to sign the consent form?  In this economy you have to take whatever job you can get.  This is no choice.  This is corporate America getting fat and wealthy off the blood of their employees, literally. 

And think about the name of these policies:  Dead Peasant policies.  What is a peasant?  Well here's the definition provided by dictionary.com:

Peasant:  -Noun
1. a member of a class of persons who are small farmers or farm laborers of low social rank.
2. a coarse, unsophisticated, boorish, uneducated person of little financial means.

The World English Dictionary provides the following definition for 'peasant':  a member of a class of low social status that depends on either cottage industry or agricultural labor as a means of subsistence.

Historically, peasants were tied to a plot of a land and a Lord who served as their master.  Peasants were little more than slaves.  Peasants could not even leave to find a better life without the permission of their landed noble Lord. 

So these employers are relegating their employees to the status of 'peasant,' effectively tying employees' very lives and subsistence to their company.  These employers have found a way to profit on death, to profit at the expense of their employees' loved ones.

If that is not deplorable, then I do not know what is.  This is one of the most immoral, dishonest acts of depravity I have ever heard of.  These companies are shamelessly unethical and I think it is time to teach them a lesson.  I think it is time to call these companies out for their reprehensible behavior.  I think it is time to boycott.  I think it is time to stand together and say, "We are mad as hell and we are not gonna take it anymore!"  Because I am mad as hell folks, and I am not gonna take it anymore.

Here is partial list of companies believed to hold Dead Peasant policies, thus profiting on the deaths of their employees:

American Express Co.
American Greetings Corp.
AT&T Communications
Avon Products, Inc.
B.F. Goodrich
Bank of America
Bank One Corp.
Bassett Furniture Industries
Citibank, N.A.
Citizens Bank
Clorox
Coca-Cola Company
Dow Chemical
GNC Corp.
Hershey Foods Corporation
IKON Office Solutions
JP Morgan Chase & Co.
Marriott International
Nestle
Panera Bread
Sherwin-Williams
Wachovia
Walgreens
Wal-Mart
Walt Disney
Wells Fargo
Zales

SHAME ON YOU!  For a more comprehensive list, please click here.  If your employer required you to sign a waiver allowing them to profit on your death, please feel free to add their name in the comments section.  Lets hold these companies accountable for their depravity.